My day

   I wanted to share how my day goes...I wake up to my lil man either crying or laughing between six and seven, sometimes he let's mommy doze until eight while he plays in his crib. We get up and I make him a yummy breakfast followed by hardcore playtime and then by ten my early bird needs nappy number one. While he does his usual quiet play before he falls asleep. As he is in there I fill up my backpack with my feeds and take a dose of pain meds to cut the horrible pain that is about to make me cry and throw up . The pain will be so bad that during nap I will cry and curl up on the bed until my beautiful lil boy wakes up then I go to the bathroom and wash my face and despite the pain I smile at him and we play because through all my pain I do my best to hide it from damien. He has no idea that I spend a lot of his quiet times crying or lurching over the toilet in the bathroom. All he knows is I'm his mommy, the one who takes care of him when he is sick, makes him smile when he is sad, and devotes every aspect of my being into making him a great young man and hopefully a wonderful gentleman when he grows up. I sometimes let those thoughts breakthrough my headt that its not fair I'm sick and so on and so on but dwelling on that takes away the beautiful moments I have with my miraculous son.
    I have fought too hard to let this disease take away the only things that make me happy...my son and my family. I almost lost everything once to my anorexia, no one wanted to be around me hell I didn't want to be around me. Today I feel like a completely different person gastroparesis and intestinal failure aside recovery from my eating disorder changed me. I think the battle with my anorexia, bulimia, and cutting made me stronger which has come in handy a lot lately. I think years of battling with myself I'm now strong enough to battle whatever is thrown at me. On the days where pain is so bad I want to run away I can mommy up and face it...I will face anything that is thrown because I have to be here to make that blue eyed boy smile everyday.