The Monster

     Another night she finds herself alone in the dark again fighting all the things that keep running in her head. Every noise keeps the girl on edge despite the TV or music playing to distract, every creek of the old house causes her to freeze...the monster has come back. She knows logically he is gone, but the memories never fade. When the sun is out she can hide it, she can smile, had the fears that are constantly knocking her back down, but when the darkness comes she begins to crumble.
     It has been nearly a year since the nightmare began and the girl can barely look in the mirror. In her eyes she is to blame, why didn't she see the truth before it happened, why didn't she fight harder, why did it so long before got help to plan her escape, and the "whys" just keep stacking up. That pathetic girl in the mirror deserves the punishment that was wrongly given, an innocent sits in a concrete hell while the monster roams freely to devour more girls just like her. If only she hadn't been such a broken person when the monster emerged the nightmare could have been avoided. The monster craves the bruised and broken...targets easily consumed. Her reflection shows her what no one else can see and she hates it.
    The girl lays still in her bed as the hours tick by fighting the exhaustion begging her to sleep. Sleep has become torture to her, when she closes her eyes the monster is in control again. In her dreams she fights to escape, to push the monster away, but no matter how much she fights the monster consumes her. Her screams eventually being her back to reality, her heart is racing as her eyes rip open leaving her in pure terror until she realizes she was dreaming. Chemically induced sleep only makes the dreams worse, fighting to get back to reality becomes hell...the medicine won't allow her to wake. Staying awake is her only hope to stave off the monster coming back to consume more pieces of her. Asleep every detail of her imprisonment is relived in vivid detail, all the ways the monster fed on her all the fears of not knowing what would happen next.
     Her home has become both a prison and a sanctuary, everywhere she looks she can only see the places and ways the monster broke her, where it slowly chipped pieces of her away, breaking her like you would a dog. It was the monster's plan from the beginning...to seek out the damaged prey, lure her in with a mask of kindness, begin slowly breaking her down until she obeys, and eventually the mask rips off and the monster has it's prey under total control...she is obedient fearing the punishments that will be handed down if she strays. As she looks around the room all the signs of the monster's plan are more obvious than ever, how could she have missed them? Despite being her prison the girl's home is the only place she feels safe. When she ventures outside all she can think about is seeing the monster, every aisle she turns down at the grocery store her heart quickens thinking this will be the time she sees it standing there. People think she is fine, she smiles and makes jokes, but they will never understand how she feels...how it all comes a part as the sun sets.
     She wonders if it will ever stop, if one day the monster will no longer rule her dreams, if she can ever be free from this, will she ever stop hating that girl staring back at her from the mirror? She feels trapped in her own body running on autopilot to keep everyone happy yet still falling short. No matter how many times she is told it isn't her fault she can't let it go, people just trying to make her feel better...she allowed the monster into her life. Everyday she has to push herself through, going through the motions hoping that someday she will be ok. Her protector won't abandon her no matter how much pain she has caused him, when she spews venomous words to push him away he refuses to budge. She longs to be better for him, to stop jumping when moves to hold her. She can't understand why he loves her after what she did while under the rule of the monster, how he can even touch her. She prays someday she will be whole again, she knows there will always be visible cracks where she was pieced back together showing the world that even though she was broken she was strong enough to pick up the pieces. She longs to prove to the monster that it no longer owns her, so for now she takes the days and nights seconds at a time just trying to survive.